Loss and family time
07 January 2024
When we returned from Europe, Mum was in the new nursing home: Heritage Care Northcote. Cathy and Jenny had had some difficulty finding the best arrangement of her furniture in the room, so at my first visit we rearranged it to a more satisfactory setup. The room was bright with a view to the West and plenty of room for wheelchair transfers.
Cathy established a new routine for mum with trips to Brighton Beach replaced with Studley Park which was now much closer, and Saturday morning time at the park close to the nursing home which was both a shorter walk and easier terrain than from Chomley to Lumley Park.
We had been promised an El Niño Summer and there were some hot days at the start of October when we went to the Fitzroy Pool to read and swim and also see a few friends who live nearby. We also got to Sorrento for a weekend, though it wasn’t warm enough to swim.
On October 18, my mother died suddenly. She had been having seizures from time to time as a complication of her almost 20 years of dementia and it seems likely that a seizure or some other sudden medical emergency occurred. She had been eating well and her normal self the previous day. I was at home, so close enough to be able to be at her bedside 15 minutes after the night nurse notified me of her deterioration and Cathy arrived soon after.
Her funeral was 12 days later at Springvale. I was grateful that her friends and former work colleagues as well as family were able to attend. Her friend Jo Berg gave a lovely eulogy. We received an overwhelming amount of flowers, and made many arrangements both at our house and at Stawell St. Mum will join my father under a plum tree in the Garden of No Distant Place.
At the same time we had Stephen, a friend, staying with us as he was visiting from the Netherlands. He organised a dinner with a group of our friends from secondary school and was also able to come to my mother’s funeral as he had known her well and had come on family vacations with us in the 80s.
A week after the funeral, Jay and I had a weekend in Sydney which we had previously planned for the anniversary of our wedding. The weather wasn’t great, but we walked from Bondi to Coogee, seeing the sculpture exhibition and had dinner at Mimi’s. We also saw Beau for dinner.
In the second half of November, Derek came to visit for a week. We had a weekend at Sorrento with him and he stayed for Ivan’s 21st birthday party which was at a straight rave called Dangerous Goods. It was the first time in almost 20 years we had been to an event like that and we had fun. We were pleased to see at least a few people older than us and were also happy to be home and in bed at the normal time while Ivan partied on the rest of the night.
Our friend Sandra has returned to Melbourne after living in Queensland for a few years, and has opened a pottery shop in her apartment which is opposite our place. We helped her hang a heavy mirror during the setup and went to the opening day. She has really transformed the downstairs of her apartment into what is now called Clay Modern. There is a lot of passing trade on the weekends because of the artist markets in our street and from February there will also be hotel guests from the new StandardX.
ACMI invited us to the opening of their exhibit from Marshmallow Laser Feast. It was animated displays based on living things and the environment around them, somewhat difficult to describe. The immersive 3D journey of oxygen through the body was particularly interesting and brought back memories from studying physiology for my anaesthesia exams.
As we were going to the US to see Jay’s family at Christmas, we had an early exchange of gifts and family meals on December 17. I had been on call the previous day and so did a simple Christmas lunch. After lunch we went to my cousin Craig’s house to see much of the rest of the family. For Christmas Jay gave me a 3D printer which will require some detailed investigation in the new year. Cathy gave us a Lego model of the Titanic, which will no doubt occupy quite a bit of time at the beach house next year.
On December 23 we left for the US. We flew into Los Angeles and rented a car to drive to Palm Springs where we had rented a house for a week. Jay’s parents were scheduled to arrive at Palm Springs airport three hours after we landed in Los Angeles, which seemed a tight schedule for clearing passport control and driving there to pick them up at the airport. As it turned out, a combination of a late arrival, over an hour waiting for passport control, another wait of over an hour at the Avis car rental office and the drive to Palm Springs meant that we were four hours later than planned to pick them up. Fortunately their flight had been delayed four hours. Jay’s sister Denise arrived later in the evening.
The house was great for a family stay. The kitchen was well-equipped and the pool was heated. We had a very relaxing stay, mostly lazing by or in the pool. The rest of Jay’s immediate family arrived by the evening of the 26th: Richelle and Scott and their three sons, one with his girlfriend, so we had eleven for our late Christmas celebration on the 27th. Jay cooked roast turkey which was very successful. Jay's sister Richelle, who had not been able to give her reading at the wedding because of illness, gave us the very touching gift of a copy of the reading dedicated and signed by its author Neil Gaiman.
Once everyone had headed home on the 29th and 30th, we had dinner with Gene and Art, friends who live in Palm Springs. We were interested to meet their houseguest Sergey, whom they had helped seek asylum in the US. We cleaned up the house and drove to Los Angeles where we were staying for New Year’s Eve.
In LA we said hello to Kelvan and met up with Derek and Charles, who had come from Dallas and San Diego to visit. We spent the day visiting the La Brea Tarpits and the Griffith Observatory before going to the Masterbeat party at the Mayan in the evening. It was five years since we had been to this party and we were pleased that it had not changed much. We danced with Derek and some friends we knew from LA, Alex and Don, as well as guys we met that night.
From LA we flew to Las Vegas for a few days before our return to Australia. The main attractions for us were training at Dragon’s Lair and seeing the Sphere, the Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam. The casinos themselves were not a major attraction. We were lucky that Yoav was there on our first day, so we went to the gym with him before watching the Aronovsky film at the Sphere and having dinner.
We had booked a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon, but it was delayed a day by snow. It was worth the wait as the flight over Lake Mead, the Hoover Dam, the Grand Canyon and then the Vegas Strip was spectacular. We landed in the canyon for photos.
The following day we squeezed in a tour of the Hoover Dam before our afternoon flight to Los Angeles and from there back to Melbourne. The journey home had none of the delays of the previous one. We arrived home on Sunday morning, with Jay due to start work the next day. I had left my private work very quiet for much of January so I had some more free days, hoping to get some sunny weather and maybe some time at Sorrento during January.
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Cathy established a new routine for mum with trips to Brighton Beach replaced with Studley Park which was now much closer, and Saturday morning time at the park close to the nursing home which was both a shorter walk and easier terrain than from Chomley to Lumley Park.
We had been promised an El Niño Summer and there were some hot days at the start of October when we went to the Fitzroy Pool to read and swim and also see a few friends who live nearby. We also got to Sorrento for a weekend, though it wasn’t warm enough to swim.
On October 18, my mother died suddenly. She had been having seizures from time to time as a complication of her almost 20 years of dementia and it seems likely that a seizure or some other sudden medical emergency occurred. She had been eating well and her normal self the previous day. I was at home, so close enough to be able to be at her bedside 15 minutes after the night nurse notified me of her deterioration and Cathy arrived soon after.
Her funeral was 12 days later at Springvale. I was grateful that her friends and former work colleagues as well as family were able to attend. Her friend Jo Berg gave a lovely eulogy. We received an overwhelming amount of flowers, and made many arrangements both at our house and at Stawell St. Mum will join my father under a plum tree in the Garden of No Distant Place.
At the same time we had Stephen, a friend, staying with us as he was visiting from the Netherlands. He organised a dinner with a group of our friends from secondary school and was also able to come to my mother’s funeral as he had known her well and had come on family vacations with us in the 80s.
A week after the funeral, Jay and I had a weekend in Sydney which we had previously planned for the anniversary of our wedding. The weather wasn’t great, but we walked from Bondi to Coogee, seeing the sculpture exhibition and had dinner at Mimi’s. We also saw Beau for dinner.
In the second half of November, Derek came to visit for a week. We had a weekend at Sorrento with him and he stayed for Ivan’s 21st birthday party which was at a straight rave called Dangerous Goods. It was the first time in almost 20 years we had been to an event like that and we had fun. We were pleased to see at least a few people older than us and were also happy to be home and in bed at the normal time while Ivan partied on the rest of the night.
Our friend Sandra has returned to Melbourne after living in Queensland for a few years, and has opened a pottery shop in her apartment which is opposite our place. We helped her hang a heavy mirror during the setup and went to the opening day. She has really transformed the downstairs of her apartment into what is now called Clay Modern. There is a lot of passing trade on the weekends because of the artist markets in our street and from February there will also be hotel guests from the new StandardX.
ACMI invited us to the opening of their exhibit from Marshmallow Laser Feast. It was animated displays based on living things and the environment around them, somewhat difficult to describe. The immersive 3D journey of oxygen through the body was particularly interesting and brought back memories from studying physiology for my anaesthesia exams.
As we were going to the US to see Jay’s family at Christmas, we had an early exchange of gifts and family meals on December 17. I had been on call the previous day and so did a simple Christmas lunch. After lunch we went to my cousin Craig’s house to see much of the rest of the family. For Christmas Jay gave me a 3D printer which will require some detailed investigation in the new year. Cathy gave us a Lego model of the Titanic, which will no doubt occupy quite a bit of time at the beach house next year.
On December 23 we left for the US. We flew into Los Angeles and rented a car to drive to Palm Springs where we had rented a house for a week. Jay’s parents were scheduled to arrive at Palm Springs airport three hours after we landed in Los Angeles, which seemed a tight schedule for clearing passport control and driving there to pick them up at the airport. As it turned out, a combination of a late arrival, over an hour waiting for passport control, another wait of over an hour at the Avis car rental office and the drive to Palm Springs meant that we were four hours later than planned to pick them up. Fortunately their flight had been delayed four hours. Jay’s sister Denise arrived later in the evening.
The house was great for a family stay. The kitchen was well-equipped and the pool was heated. We had a very relaxing stay, mostly lazing by or in the pool. The rest of Jay’s immediate family arrived by the evening of the 26th: Richelle and Scott and their three sons, one with his girlfriend, so we had eleven for our late Christmas celebration on the 27th. Jay cooked roast turkey which was very successful. Jay's sister Richelle, who had not been able to give her reading at the wedding because of illness, gave us the very touching gift of a copy of the reading dedicated and signed by its author Neil Gaiman.
Once everyone had headed home on the 29th and 30th, we had dinner with Gene and Art, friends who live in Palm Springs. We were interested to meet their houseguest Sergey, whom they had helped seek asylum in the US. We cleaned up the house and drove to Los Angeles where we were staying for New Year’s Eve.
In LA we said hello to Kelvan and met up with Derek and Charles, who had come from Dallas and San Diego to visit. We spent the day visiting the La Brea Tarpits and the Griffith Observatory before going to the Masterbeat party at the Mayan in the evening. It was five years since we had been to this party and we were pleased that it had not changed much. We danced with Derek and some friends we knew from LA, Alex and Don, as well as guys we met that night.
From LA we flew to Las Vegas for a few days before our return to Australia. The main attractions for us were training at Dragon’s Lair and seeing the Sphere, the Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam. The casinos themselves were not a major attraction. We were lucky that Yoav was there on our first day, so we went to the gym with him before watching the Aronovsky film at the Sphere and having dinner.
We had booked a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon, but it was delayed a day by snow. It was worth the wait as the flight over Lake Mead, the Hoover Dam, the Grand Canyon and then the Vegas Strip was spectacular. We landed in the canyon for photos.
The following day we squeezed in a tour of the Hoover Dam before our afternoon flight to Los Angeles and from there back to Melbourne. The journey home had none of the delays of the previous one. We arrived home on Sunday morning, with Jay due to start work the next day. I had left my private work very quiet for much of January so I had some more free days, hoping to get some sunny weather and maybe some time at Sorrento during January.
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